one summer day

1st of July.

It´s still raining and everything seems so calm out there. even the wind´s blowing calmly. Cosy. and the best thing is, I don´t have to go anywhere or do something important today. So here I am, taking my time alone and thinking to write something to decrease my brain´s tension.

so, 1st of July eh? half of 2010 has gone,eh? no wonder. many things have happened. both good times and bad. ups and downs. I honestly don´t know how to ´welcome´the down times yet. not yet. easy to say, but hard to really do it.  sometimes it´s just hard, or impossible to smile and look for the bright side. takes a lot of training. I thought, I have had enough ´training´but well..nooo..simply because life goes on. and I´m alive. and I´m thankful for that.

Being always optimistic and happy is not always easy to do. many people said that without the down times, you will not feel the good times. and without the down times, life will be just flat. and boring.

I know that very well. Don´t tell me anymore.

I just don´t like the down times very much. no one does anyway.

but for this time, let me take my time, feeling bad, and hoping I can touch the bottom anytime soon, so i can only go up, up, and up..

absence

so here I am..

doodling in the student´s room.,pretty gray outside,.and all of the sudden the mood to practice´s just gone.

I don´t want to feel like this all the time. Seems like I´m just wasting the time instead of using them well. I want to be around and alive.,

not just paralysed because of intense absence

evening thoughts

the night is getting late, and I’m still widely awake. maybe, writing few words will gently lead me to the dreamworld.

dear.,how time flies,.too quick to be grasped by everyone, including me.

how it is short and long at the same time,

how it is full and empty at the same time,

how it is slow and quick at the same time.

I just want to enjoy my happy moments right now. can’t you stop?  please? I beg you.

this is killing me.

Christmas

ya ya..

so it´s christmas. hmm..now i can say time flies.

this is my second christmas without my dear family.  I have another ‘family’ here, that I love and this is my home., but somehow, it’s a bit different. yea..many things are different now. the culture, the athmosphere.,they’re much better than the ones i used to have, and I like them better (the new one). But on top of that, I’d love also to have my real family here. Christmas, afterall, is time for people we love the most.,and just hanging around together, doing nothing, except eating and sleeping, and laughing.,having cosy time.

I’m not alone this christmas. no no.,not at all.  but somehow, I feel lonely, deep inside. not much, but something. I guess, I just miss my parents.

but anyway, I’ll go and try to do something, and sing christmas songs maybe, and do something cheerful. It’s christmas anyway. once a year.

Have a merry christmas, everyone. wish you all good times and memorable moments.

Christmas wish

jebs..i want one of that for christmas present. Dear Santa, I’ve been a very good girl this year,.

bye, 3rd semester!

Dec 12th 2009,

and sooo..the holiday has started  I had my last concert in school for this semester yesterday. yes, finally this semester’s over vuhuuu..I’m more than happy

This semester was one of the craziest times I’ve ever gone through. I barely had time for myself, and by the end of the semester I was terribly exhausted *I am still now, since this is the first day of holiday :p* so I decided to take it easy for now.

It’s dull outside.,makes me want to stay in bed,.eating pringles :p hihi,.listening to my boyfriend’s concert recording last year hihi.,anyway he’s coming home soon!! soooo excited!! he’s been away for sometime, *studying* and so it’s good to have him home for christmas

Nice! so, err..holiday project(s) for next week..

1. renewing my residence permit. oh nice. this is boring paperworks.,

2. sleeping

3. sleeping

4. eating cookies

5. thinking about christmas gifts.,

6. reading books (nice!)

7. looking for some cheap flights for easter.,

8. sleeping.

9.sleeping.

10. aah ok maybe going swimming.

11. cleaning up my room.

12. watching toooooonnnnsss of movies.

13.eating again

14. waiting for my boyfriend *blush*

15……………

yeah.,this is life. wonderful isn’t it?

happy holidayy!!!!

random things

yea yea…the third semester’s going craaaazzzzyy..lots to do. book studies, practicing, classes, etc etc. and  the piano competition in november also contributes a lot to make life crazier. yes thanks thanks.

hmm.,how i wish it’s 30 hours a day instead of 24. well i guess everyone’s wishing the same too. well well but no..24 is good enough.

i look so much forward to christmas. well, there’s a special ‘christmas present’ waiting for me and i know what it is and i can’t wait.

but the thing is, i have to survive until then. which sometimes i doubt. hehe. i mean, i dont know how to get through the semester. i really dont know.,

and in another way, my english is getting worse. and soon i’ll have to write an essay with proper grammar and bla bla bla. uff..

and i ruined my shoes. and it’s 1 month old. gee..shoes are crazily expensive here! ..

feeling tired almost all the time.,drinking coffee like crazy.,competition in 1,5 weeks oh my i’m so not ready for this.

yea  i know i’m just complaining and complaining. but hey, we all need to complain..

oh well. stop this jane. get out of bed. now.

fall 2009.,

It’s nice..,to go back to school, and when you open the door, you can smell something from the cafeteria, hear people in the office, see that someone had spilled coffee on the floor.,

yes, the school has started. again. meaning, the summer’s completely over * and the weather now agrees with me * and the new school year, 2009-2010, has just begun.

It brings excitement, joy, and also pressure, and of course homeworks and assignments :p but in a way, I look forward to drawn myself in school’s activity. Reading the history material, messing up my hair while doing the harmony homework, going to classes, and so on and so on it’s good to have busy schedule.

but, I believe that i’ll have to jump out of the bed now and start doing something :p

have a good weekend, everybody!

Growing

Each day, we all learn something new. well., almost every moment, whether we realize it or not.

I was on the bus today, and as it went through the town, my thoughts just flew to this topic. I’ve been living on this earth for 20 years, 4 months, and 15 days *almost 16*. And so far, I’ve learned a lot about life. I’m not saying that I know a lot more than people my age. Probably, I know less than I thought. But i’ve been through some things at least.

So far, I’ve learned  a little bit about life, people, and myself. I’m still learning of course, but I’m just taking a tiny break from all of this learning, and try to reflect my life. Not much to reflect though, but it does help me a lot. I could see the difference between me now, and me, 5 years ago. I wasn’t happy with my life back then., and was depressed. Now, I’ve reached the stage of balance *or at least I think so,. * for now. I know it’s difficult to have it  balanced like this until the day I die, because life is always.,full of surprises.,like when you’re opening a present. I’ve opened my present a little bit, and I’m happy with it so far. very happy.

I learned what losing is about. I lost several people in my life, including the 2 most important people ever. And I miss you dearly. I really want to talk with you, in person. or even just for a cup of tea.

I learned a lot about friendship,.what is it about, what it teaches you, the feeling to have great friends,.and to miss them. I really want to see you, dear friends of my life. to meet you guys in person, not through the technology.

I’ve learned what it’s about to miss people. no question. that also teaches me, that in life, people come and go. That’s actually, really difficult to learn.

..and..of course., I’ve learned a little bit about love.  It’s teaching me a lot.,moment by moment. I get to understand more and more and more about love,.and I’m happy that it goes deeper every moment. slowly.

and so many other things I can’t write one by one.

but,.all of that things, that have made me this way. I’m glad with the way I am now. Maybe i’ll change later, but at least, I’m here now,.in this stage of life. balanced. couldn’t be happier than now =)

I believe, so many things are still waiting for me. I’ll continue opening my box of present, learn more about life, growing, and become a wiser person. I’m afraid, of course, because I may not like the rest of the present, but hey who isn’t anyway? gotta be positive about life!

just few words before i go to sleep.,

again,.it’s been a while since the last time I wrote something here. It’s been a great summer with lots of fun and good times. =) and to remind all of you, it’s my first summer ever hehe.,

basically what i’ve been doing are just eating and sleeping and having fun.,*where are all the practicing hours going? i’m so out of shape!*  and also doing a bit of travelling around Iceland, which is very cool! i’ve gone to the west part of iceland, so it’s half circle =p all i need to do is go to the east sometime later yeaaayyy! Iceland is so beautiful!

and it was also great, travelling with friends, and *ehem* ‘a special friend’. *blushing* hehe.,it’s been a while. and,.at least from my side, it’s getting deeper. and I just realized, how is it, to feel love. to be in love. it feels like the first time.,*actually i don’t think it’s my first time though, but maybe the first time, serious one*.

i’d say,.love is beautiful. with all the happiness, with all the tears,.i’m amazed with how big the scale of feeling i feel these weeks. and, eventhough, it’s not always happy, *every love story has it sad part*, I’m thankful that i have love now. I’m grateful because i cry of love.,because i smile of love. what i’m feeling now, is so big, that my soul trembles. but it’s a great feeling

of course, i want this to last forever., or if i could say it.,live happily ever after. but no one can promise anything about the future. and we all still need to struggle with that fact. I’m happy enough to feel love now. i do think that now i’m seeing life from other point of view, and more mature in a way. life is precious, but love is more than that. love, makes life worth living. *i mean, love in general*.